The Heart Broken Moment......

On July 9, 2010......My mom was discharged from the local hospital and placed in a nursing facitility for rehab. She arrived to the nursing facility at around 3pm. The nursing staff was outstanding and welcomed she and I. Both were very nervous and scared but then one of the nursing staff members came in and they were close friends for over 15 yrs and had lost track of each other. I owe this lady my sincere thank you. She easied my moms anxiety and fears along with my own. They talked for I know at least 3 hours. In the mean time, my mom told me to go home and be sure to bring her "babies" back in the morning to see her. Which I was so excited because my mom, my daughter and I had already planned what we were going to do for her room decor.....ELVIS! My mom was his #1 fan. She was given ice cream galore prior to me finally accepting it was time to go to be with my hubby and kids. I was an emotional wreck leaving , we hugged and I told her I love you Momma and please know You are in the best hands!.. I left approximately 6pm. After arriving home I was getting stuff ready for the next day. My hubby was still a reserve officer in our county and I work as a paramedic. I was getting a load of clothes from washer when I heard the local fire rescue get dispatched to "a 53 yr old female patient who is NOT breathing and CPR is in progress in ROOM 18! My body started to shake, I couldnt speak, my heart did a plunge and I knew ...............IT WAS MY MOM! She was in room 18, 53 yr old, and had known lung issues. My world was tossed into shambles in less that 2 mins of information! I sprung to the living room where my 2 boys were sleeping so peaceful and told my hubby I had to go it was her, it is her, is all I could say.....threw on clothes and out the door I went. I was driving so I dialed one of my closest friends  and it went straight to voicemail. In my heart I knew she was gone but my mind had not caught up yet. Hysterically I called her two sisters which arrived shortly after me. I made it to the hospital just in time to see the ambulance pull in! THEN is when it was REAL....working as a paramedic you know most systems use same protocols and when I saw them with NO lights NO sirens.....in NO 'hurry up" mode I just knew. As I watched them back in the hospital a friend/coworker who was the person in charge stopped me and held me and that was when I just ......................fell apart.......then I looked up and saw my Friend glowing with many wings walking to me, the one I tried to call.............and I knew Momma was in the best care possible! This person is also a paramedic and I know she did all she could for her. But part of me is MAD AS HECK at myself because I wasnt there! Of course, there wasnt anything I could do but ...........hold her tell her I loved her and not to worry the babies will never forget her! But those feelings come and go and I truly feel at peace with things. From the time I saw no pain or suffering on her face my heart wasnt heavy it was smiling knowing she was in an awesome place!........If you have never lost a parent , you have no idea the emotional roller coaster ride you endure. It will be one year since her death this july and Im just now getting to the point to where those emotional rides dont happen as often. A song, smell, glimpse of my child or something they say will trigger it! But mostly I fight it every morning when I look in the mirror! I see her in me soooooo much more now! ITs been sooo hard this year without her but I know she still giggles at our "Bennett Bunch Moments" and how fast the kids are growing and the fact happiness is squeezing back in our lives not to push the happiness she gave out but to add on! Life is something no one can prepare you for, or teach you the tricks or trades of the position you hold. Life is free, full and loving! This has been one heck of a trying time for me, my family and friends and all I can say is thank you for all the prayers, phone calls and continue those please! Ok on a funny note...........my head hurts and the flood gates lost its latch! LOL ......R.I.P  Nancy Hudson (aka "MiMi") WE LOVE YOU!